


5 Times the Cullens Ignored Jasper’s Wig, and the 1 Time They Forgot to Tell Bella

by thescienceofsymmetry



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: 5 Times, 5+1 Things, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, wig
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 06:04:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17074778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thescienceofsymmetry/pseuds/thescienceofsymmetry
Summary: The Cullens are typically pretty good with communication, except when they don't know how to deal with something.Also known as: Jasper has a wig and no one knows how to confront that.





	5 Times the Cullens Ignored Jasper’s Wig, and the 1 Time They Forgot to Tell Bella

**Author's Note:**

> Shameless self promotion time! I'm femmealice on tumblr. Hope you like this crack fic.

1\. Esme and Carlisle  
Esme and Carlisle were watching a comedy in the living room when they heard their most troubled child come home through the back door. Everyone else was already home and preparing for their first day at Fork’s high school the next morning. They had done it plenty of times before, of course, so they all had their rituals. Rosalie was tuning up her favorite car to make sure it purred, Emmett was playing a fighting game, Edward was meditating to music, and Alice was picking out everyone’s outfits. Jasper’s ritual was more out of necessity than want. He had to make sure to eat before being surrounded by hundreds of humans again. But. he had been gone a little longer than was normal for a solo hunt, Esme noted.

“Jasper? We’re watching tv in here. Want to join?” Carlisle called from his place curled around Esme on the sofa.

“Er, no thanks, Carlisle. I think I’m going to get ready for tomorrow in my room,” Jasper said in his southern drawl.

“Alright, we’ll probably be here all night if you need us,” he responded. Carlisle and Esme shared a look as Jasper sped up the stairs. It wasn’t like Jasper to not give them a proper greeting. It felt like something was up, but Jasper always told them immediately if a hunt went badly. That meant that whatever was going on couldn’t be too serious. They shrugged a little at each other and turned their attention back to their show.

2\. Alice  
Alice still hadn’t decided on what color scheme their family was wearing and it was already 11pm. At this rate it would take her until 7am to put everything together and then she wouldn’t have any time to do everyone’s hair. Suffice to say, she was stressed. Just as she had decided on royal blue as her main color, she heard Jasper come upstairs. Alice felt immediately calmer and wasn’t certain if it was from Jasper’s power or just the happiness she felt from getting to see him. She smiled slightly and bounded out to see her husband.

“Hello, hon-“ Alice stopped in her doorway as soon as she saw Jasper. Her thoughts raced a mile a minute. The man in front of her was in imposter! No, that didn’t make any sense. He was Jasper but different somehow. Something was deeply wrong with him. His hair – his beautiful blonde hair had been replaced with a terrible, plastic-shiny imposter. It was dirty yellow and had all the life of one of the deer Jasper had just hunted. Alice considered asking, demanding why Jasper was wearing it before realizing that he must have some reason. He had to know it didn’t look good, so there had to be some logic behind it. Alice didn’t want to make him uncomfortable by asking and trusted that he would tell her if it was important. She coughed slightly to cover up her small pause. “-ey. How was your hunting trip?”

Jasper gave her a tentative smile. “It was nice, quiet. Good to know I won’t accidentally kill anyone tomorrow.”

Alice noticed that he didn’t mention his hair. Was he going to talk about his hair? Should she ask about his hair? Deciding it was still too rude, Alice hugged him. “I’m proud of you, Jasper. Now if you’ll excuse me, I must get back to my outfit planning if we’re going to wear anything tomorrow.”

“Well I would like to wear clothes to our first day of school, so I’m going to mosey on to my room for a little preparing of my own,” he said as he walked down the hallway. “Goodnight!” he called when he reached his room.

“Goodnight, Jasper,” Alice replied. She softly shut her door and threw herself back into outfit planning. She had to distract herself from whatever was going on atop Jasper’s head, though she did pin a note in Emmett’s, Rosalie’s, and Edward’s clothes:

Don’t Mention Jasper’s Hair

3\. Edward  
Jasper’s siblings had done well with remembering Alice’s note to ignore Jasper’s new, terrible hair. It had actually improved about a month in – trading a party store mess for one he probably got online for thirty bucks. It certainly didn’t look good, but Alice was no longer afraid to be seen with him.

Months passed and they all grew to forget the whole thing. It certainly wasn’t that important after Bella Swan moved to Forks that spring and threw their whole family into chaos. Jasper was the one to suggest he and Edward go on a hunting trip after her first day at school; they both needed it.

The two brothers made the trek north alternating between talking about possible plans of action and sitting in comfortable silence. Oddly enough, it seemed like they got along so well because they were both fine with existing quietly together. Soon enough they had reached their hunting spot. Edward parked the car a bit away from the road, nicely hidden in the trees. They split up and began their hunts separately.

Edward soon had his fill and was making his way back to the car when he spotted Jasper. He was crouched over a deer, head bent low. Edward almost called out to him when he noticed that Jasper’s hair was… slipping. To his confusion, he watched Jasper’s hair fall right off his head and onto the ground next to the deer. Jasper was bald. An egg. Scalp glittering in the sun. Edward had thought that maybe something was up with him since Alice’s note but had been too busy to care that much. He thought that Alice must have just given him a bad perm or something and the note was because she felt bad.

Edward may not be an expert at dealing with awkward situations, but he did know to not mention this. He crept away silently and waited at the car until Jasper was ready to go home.

4\. Emmett  
Things continued to be crazy with the Cullens after Bella entered their lives. They had the whole debacle with James and then spent the summer getting to know her better. Now school had started up again and they were all helping Alice prepare for Bella’s birthday party.

Emmett and Jasper were hanging up decorations in the living room when Emmett paused to look at Jasper. Something seemed to have caught his eye and he just stared for several long seconds before finally speaking. 

“Hey, bro… have you done something different with your hair? Styled it different? It looks great,” he finally said. Jasper seemed to let out a sigh.

“Aw thanks, I uh – curled it. And put some oil on it. Super hydrating,” he sputtered. Jasper wasn’t the best liar.

“Nice!” Emmett said. He couldn’t exactly detect that kind of thing like Edward. And with that, they returned to their decorating.

5\. Rosalie  
“I think Bella should be allowed to join the family,” said Jasper. Alice put a supportive hand on his arm but he could immediately feel animosity radiating from Rosalie. He glanced at her and found that she wasn’t even looking at him, instead she continued to stare at Bella. Jasper knew this conversation wasn’t over between them.

It was almost funny how Rosalie had started off hating Bella. Now she was just trying to protect her from a life she couldn’t imagine wanting, let alone, choosing, to lead. And Jasper, someone who should know the hell caused by this way of life more than most, had approved it. She waited until Bella was on her way home before she started in on Jasper, she shouldn’t have to hear this.

“I can’t believe you’re okay with turning her, of all people. You should know best that this isn’t the right way to exist,” Rosalie started as soon as Bella and Edward had driven away. She wasn’t yelling, or even raising her voice, which almost made it worse. This wasn’t Rosalie bitter that the family disagreed with her. This was Rosalie hurt to the core that no one seemed to care about what was actually best for someone she cared about. “We’re walking corpses! Look at you. You don’t even have any h-“ she stopped. That would be too far. She couldn’t hurt Jasper’s feelings like that. Or Alice’s. “I mean, you – you can’t even be around humans without being miserable,” she finished, much more silently.

Jasper had to notice Rosalie’s hesitation but seemed to choose to ignore it. “I just think Bella should be able to choose how she wants to live for herself. I know you didn’t choose this, none of us did. But Bella has, and we should respect that,” he said calmly. Out of Jasper’s line of sight, Alice was glaring daggers at Rosalie. She had almost slipped. But she hadn’t.

6\. Bella  
Time passed and the topic seemed to have been dropped since Rosalie’s and Jasper’s fight. In fact, Rosalie seemed to be a lot more cordial to Jasper than before, like she felt guilty about it. Bella was now an accepted part of the family. Hell, they were even about to battle Victoria’s newborn army to protect her. Today Bella was watching one of the Cullen-only training practices from a safe distance. She was continuously impressed by all of their appearances, but Jasper’s hair was the only thing that changed fairly often. Jasper sauntered over her way while Emmett and Alice did drills together. 

“Hey Jasper, I really like your new wig. Where did you get it,” she asked innocently. Instantly all of the Cullens froze in their positions around the clearing and turned to look at them. Two years of never breaking the rule but no one had warned Bella.

“Oh you can tell, can ya? That stings a little. But I guess no one else ever mentioned it because they didn’t want to hurt my feelings,” said Jasper with a half-smile.

“Sorry, I didn’t know it was a secret,” she said quickly.

“That’s fair, wasn’t ever ‘spose to be. I was just too embarrassed to talk about it at the time and never got around to it. I probably owe everyone an explanation,” Jasper said good-naturedly. The Cullens were all gathered around him, waiting to listen. “’Round two years ago, I uh-, I shaved my head. I got a little crazy, little off you know. Thought maybe it might help me release some of my self-destructive tendencies. Then I didn’t want to admit to anyone what I did, so I tried to cover it up with wigs. I had hoped it worked, but you all probably knew all along.” Everyone shook their heads except Emmett.

“Wig….” Said Emmett, “Snatched.”

**Author's Note:**

> You know how Jasper's hair is terrible in Twilight and New Moon but then good in Eclipse? Yeah, that's why I wrote this. Also because I think bald Jasper is hilarious.


End file.
